Stages of life
(compiled from e-mail received)
>
>> > THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
>> > ======================
>> > AGE DRINK
>> > 17 beer
>> > 25 beer
>> > 35 vodka
>> > 48 double vodka
>> > 66 Maalox
>> >
>> > SEDUCTION LINE
>> > 17 My parents are away for the weekend.
>> > 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
>> > 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
>> > 48 My wife is away for the weekend.
>> > 66 My wife is dead.
>> >
>> > FAVORITE SPORT
>> > 17 sex
>> > 25 sex
>> > 35 sex
>> > 48 sex
>> > 66 napping
>> >
>> > DRUG
>> > 17 pot
>> > 25 coke
>> > 35 really good coke
>> > 48 power
>> > 66 Ex-lax
>> >
>> > DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
>> > 17 “tongue”
>> > 25 “breakfast”
>> > 35 “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
>> > 48 “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”
>> > 66 “Got home alive.”
>> >
>> > FAVORITE FANTASY
>> > 17 getting to third
>> > 25 airplane sex
>> > 35 menage a trois
>> > 48 taking the company public
>> > 66 Swiss maid and a Nazi love slave
>> >
>> > HOUSE PET
>> > 17 roaches
>> > 25 stoned-out college roommate
>> > 35 Irish setter
>> > 48 children from first marriage
>> > 66 dust bunnys
>> >
>> > WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
>> > 17 25
>> > 25 35
>> > 35 48
>> > 48 66
>> > 66 17
>> >
>> > IDEAL DATE
>> > 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
>> > 25 “Split the check before we go back to my place”
>> > 35 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
>> > 48 “Just come over.”
>> > 66 “Just come over and cook.”
>> >
>> >
>> > THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
>> > =========================
>> > AGE DRINK
>> > 17 Wine Coolers
>> > 25 White wine
>> > 35 Red wine
>> > 48 Dom Perignon
>> > 66 Ensure
>> >
>> > EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
>> > 17 Need to wash my hair
>> > 25 Need to wash and condition my hair
>> > 35 Need to color my hair
>> > 48 Need to have Francois color my hair
>> > 66 Need to have Francois color my wig
>> >
>> > FAVORITE SPORT
>> > 17 shopping
>> > 25 shopping
>> > 35 shopping
>> > 48 shopping
>> > 66 shopping
>> >
>> > DRUG
>> > 17 shopping
>> > 25 shopping
>> > 35 shopping
>> > 48 shopping
>> > 66 shopping
>> >
>> > DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
>> > 17 “Burger King”
>> > 25 “Free meal”
>> > 35 “A diamond”
>> > 48 “A bigger diamond”
>> > 66 “Home Alone”
>> >
>> > FAVORITE FANTASY
>> > 17 tall, dark, and handsome
>> > 25 tall, dark, and handsome with money
>> > 35 tall, dark, and handsome with money and a brain
>> > 48 a man with hair
>> > 66 a man
>> >
>> > HOUSE PET
>> > 17 Muffy the cat
>> > 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
>> > 35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
>> > 48 Children from first marriage and Muffy the Cat
>> > 66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
>> >
>> > WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
>> > 17 17
>> > 25 25
>> > 35 35
>> > 48 48
>> > 66 66
>> >
>> > IDEAL DATE
>> > 17 He offers to pay
>> > 25 He pays
>> > 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
>> > 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
>> > 66 He can chew breakfast
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